She was safe

A bank made it a practice to pay out new bills whenever possible. One day when a woman appeared the paying teller apologized because he had to pay her in old and dirty bills. He asked her if she was afraid of microbes.

“Microbes, no!” exclaimed the woman.

“I’m a teacher; you don’t think a microbe could live on my salary, do you?” [Encyclopedia of Humour, Wisdom and Wit 1991, 451];

The Poor Schoolteacher.

Two men went to church to pray. One was a man named Babbit and the other a teacher.

And the man named Babbit stood and, looking into the eyes of heaven, exclaimed:

“O, Lord, I thank thee that I am not like these professional men, even as this poor schoolteacher. I pay half the preacher’s salary; it is my money that built this church; I subscribe liberally to foreign missions, and to all the work of the church. It is my money that advanceth thy cause.”

But the schoolteacher bowed himself in humility and said:

“O, God, be very merciful unto me. I was that man’s teacher” [Encyclopedia of Humour, Wisdom and Wit 1991, 518];

Give away.

“These university professors don’t know a thing. Why, not one of them could teach anywhere else and get away with it. They’re just dumb. There ought to be a whole new teaching staff.”

“Yeah, I flunked, too” [Encyclopedia of Humour, Wisdom and Wit 1991, 518];