A lucky bird

It was in the little but overcrowded classroom of an East Side New York public school. The teacher looked out upon a group of eager faces as she put the question:

“And now, children, can any of you tell me what a stoic is.”

Only one hand went up.

“Does only Abie Glutz know what a stoic is?”

Silence.

“Well, Abie, tell your classmates what is a stoic?”

“Please, teacher,” said Abie triumphantly. “A stoic is a boid whot brings th’ babies” [Encyclopedia of Humour, Wisdom and Wit 1991, 41];

Why they came.

“Why did the Puritans come to this country?” asked a teacher in an American history class.

“To worship in their own way, and make other people do the same,” was the reply [Encyclopedia of Humour, Wisdom and Wit 1991, 48];

Play safe.

The Scots chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids.

“Watch carefully,” he said, “I’m going to drop a half dollar into the acid. Will it dissolve?”

“No, sir,” spoke one student promptly.

“Correct, and why not?”

“Because,” came the reply, “if it would, you wouldn’t drop it in” [Encyclopedia of Humour, Wisdom and Wit 1991, 463];

Sound advice.

CHEMISTRY Professor: “Jones, what does HNO Signify?”

CADET Jones: “Well, ah, er’r — I’ve got it right on the tip of my tongue, sir.”

CHEMISTRY Professor: “Well, you’d better spit it out. It’s nitric acid” [Encyclopedia of Humour, Wisdom and Wit 1991, 460];