Text 2. Parenting styles

1. Work in two groups.

Group A read PART 1

Group B read PART 2

Read your article and find in your text words and word combinations that have these meanings.

PART 1

PART 2

- to impose strict rules of behaviour - to do very well at school - behaving in an uncontrolled or violent way - mild, gentle - not successful; having failed or having an unfavorable outcome - a fit of bad temper - hitting a child on their bottom with an open hand - feeling or showing a lack of interest or concern; unresponsive - to stop a child going out with their friends as a punishment for behaving badly

- unhurried and relaxed; without strain or anxiety - lacking in rigor, strictness, or firmness - indifferent - one who consistently denies, criticizes, or doubts - emotionally unresponsive and detached; introverted - lenient; allowing behaviour that many people disapprove of - having or exercising influence or power - markedly unusual or abnormal; strange

PART 1. Authoritarian-style parents believe that a structured and ordered approach is the only way to parent. They set high standards for their kids and they expect their children to meet all of the pre-determined goals that are set out for them. They are often strict and over-bearing, and they set up many rules for the house and the kids. Children with authoritarian parents are likely to have several responsibilities at home and they are also likely to be expected to excel scholastically. Many experts in the field of child development have posited that authoritarian parents are best suited for unruly and “wild” children – children who really need the rules and standards to be clearly outlined and enforced in order to behave properly. Parents practicing this style depend on the theory that demands punishment for misbehavior. The authoritarian style of parenting is not advisable for parents with children that are shy, timid, and soft-spoken because having too many demands placed on a shy and nervous child can cause him or her to become paranoid and self-defeating.

Case study. The parents were able to eliminate their child's tendency at age two and one half, to open certain cabinet doors by slapping his hands. (Punishment "worked") When he was three and one half, they were able to put a stop to his temper tantrums by spanking him. Occasionally, they used a long stick if the bare hand alone was insufficient. (Punishment "worked".) When he was five years old, they put a stop to his using "dirty" words by washing his mouth with soap. (Punishment "worked".) He presented no problem at the dinner table because he was punished if he showed poor manners. If he "ate like a pig" or refused to try new foods, or if he didn't finish all the food on his plate, he was sent to his room. (Again punishment "worked".) At age nine, the parents stopped his tendency to come home late for dinner by "grounding" him for one week each time he was late. Thus, all the child's behavior problems were "solved" by the consistent use of mild to moderate degrees of punishment.

Now "suddenly" at age thirteen, the child becomes apathetic and hostile. He does not work in class and is in constant conflict with school authorities. He uses foul language right to his mother's face. To culminate a sequence of minor delinquent actions, the child is caught "popping" pills in the lavatory at school.

What would any sensible parent believe was called for next? Obviously the same thing that had been successful in "solving" all the child's behavior problems during the preceding years. Only now, because of the seriousness of the child's misbehavior, a more severe punishment than had ever been used before would appear appropriate. In such a situation, sincere but now terribly alarmed parent might administer the most severe beating the child had ever received.

PART 2. The permissive parenting style, on the other hand, is at the opposite end of the spectrum. Permissive parents are more easy-going and laid-back when it comes to their children. They believe that their kids should make their own choices, and that a parent should be there to support the choices that the child makes, basically regardless of what those choices may be. There are several different motivations for a parent to adopt the permissive style. One could be that the parent was brought up in an intensely strict and rigid home. If the parent did not thrive in an authoritarian environment, then that parent might in turn decide to approach parenting in the complete opposite fashion. It is also possible that the parent was raised in a very lax and permissive home him or herself, and if that situation worked very well, then that parent is likely to believe that permissive-style is the best way to raise children. While these two motivations are fairly understandable, there are some more unfortunate scenarios that can lead a parent to use the permissive style, such as that the parent is disinterested in the child’s life ands simply doesn’t have the care or concern to get involved in parenting and upbringing in a meaningful way.

There are certainly many critics to the permissive parenting style. Many experts claim that this style creates an environment wherein the child is in control of the parent, instead of the parent being in charge of the child. Especially in the teenaged and adolescent years, a permissive style can definitely be taken advantage of in a negative way. A teen could decide, for example, that experimenting with alcohol and drugs is okay, and a permissive-style parent may accept this behavior as merely being normal youthful experimentation (whereas in reality, it could be life-threatening behavior). However, despite all the nay-sayers, there are some pros to permissive-style parenting. Shy and withdrawn children generally respond better to a permissive parent than an authoritative one. Children with permissive parents are able to learn quickly that the decisions that they make are important and should be taken seriously, and these children often mature earlier and have a more solid sense of self-confidence and self-reliance.

Case study. A young adult committed suicide while under the influence of drugs. His father was a law-enforcement officer. As part of his service to the community, he had given lectures on the evils of permissiveness.

One might suspect that the death of his son would have forced a reassessment of his views. However, this was not the case. Rather, the father said that he had raised his son properly (i.e., non-permissively), but that he had "let up" on him too soon. The father recalled that when the son first began wearing his hair too long and dressing "freakishly," the father had not protested vigorously enough. The father believed that he had failed his son and "lost" him that one summer when he had not forced the son to trim his hair and to dress differently.

(http://712educators.about.com)

2. Find a partner from the other group and compare and swap information using the vocabulary from the previous exercise. Discuss the following points:

· the responsibilities of children

· the child’s freedom to make decisions

· punishment for misbehaviour