case that were in the rack to the carriage madame had just left. 37 страница

always glad to see me, but you were thankful that I went my own way and didn't

want to take up your time. I don't blame you; you hadn't got time in your life for

anyone but yourself."

Julia was beginning to grow a trifle impatient. He was getting too near the truth for

her comfort.

"You forget that young things are rather boring."

"Crashing, I should think," he smiled. "But then why do you pretend that you can't

bear to let me out of your sight? That's just acting too."

"You make me very unhappy (ты делаешь меня такой: «очень» несчастной).

You make me feel as if I hadn't done my duty to you (ты заставляешь меня

чувствовать, как будто я не выполнила своего долга перед тобой)."

"But you have (но ты выполнила). You've been a very good mother (ты была

очень хорошей матерью). You've done something (ты сделала нечто такое) for

which I shall always be grateful to you (за что я всегда буду тебе благодарным),

you've left me alone (ты оставила меня в покое)."

"I don't understand what you want (я не понимаю, что же ты хочешь)."

"I told you (я сказал тебе). Reality (реальности)."

"But where are you going to find it (но где же ты собираешься найти ее)?"

"I don't know (я не знаю). Perhaps it doesn't exist (возможно, она и не

существует). I'm young still (я все еще молод); I'm ignorant (я невежественен).

I thought perhaps that at Cambridge (я думал, что, возможно в Кембридже),

meeting people and reading books (встречая людей и читая книги), I might

discover where to look for it (я смог бы найти, где ее искать; to look for smth. —

искать, подыскивать, присматривать). If they say it only exists in God (если

скажут, что она единственно существует в Боге), I'm done (то я пропал; to be

done — заканчивать, завершать, покончить, разделаться)."

perhaps [pq'hxps] Cambridge ['keImbrIdZ] exist [Ig'zIst]

"You make me very unhappy. You make me feel as if I hadn't done my duty to

you."

"But you have. You've been a very good mother. You've done something for which

I shall always be grateful to you, you've left me alone."

"I don't understand what you want."

"I told you. Reality."

"But where are you going to find it?"

"I don't know. Perhaps it doesn't exist. I'm young still; I'm ignorant. I thought

perhaps that at Cambridge, meeting people and reading books, I might discover

where to look for it. If they say it only exists in God, I'm done."

Julia was disturbed (Джулия была встревожена). What he said had not really

penetrated to her understanding (то, что он говорил, не достигло, в

действительности, ее понимания; to penetrate — проникать внутрь,

вторгаться, постигать), his words were lines (его слова были словами роли)

and the important thing was not what they meant (и важным было не то, что они

значили), but whether they "got over" (а то, «дошли» ли они /до слушателя/; to

get over = зд. to get across — четко, убедительно объяснить, изложить), but

she was sensitive to the emotion she felt in him (но она была восприимчива к

тем эмоциям, которые она чувствовала в нем). Of course he was only eighteen

(конечно же, ему было всего восемнадцать), and it would be silly to take him

too seriously (и было бы глупым воспринимать его слишком серьезно), she

couldn't help thinking (она не могла не подумать) he'd got all that from

somebody else (что он набрался: «получил» всего этого от кого-то еще), and

that there was a good deal of pose in it (и, что было достаточно много позерства

в этом). Did anyone have ideas of his own (все ли имеют свои собственные

идеи) and did anyone not pose just a wee, wee bit (и не все ли позерствуют хоть

капельку, самую капельку; wee — /шотл./ небольшое количество)? But of

course it might be (но конечно же, могло бы быть и так) that at the moment he

felt everything he said (что в тот самый момент, он чувствовал все то, что он

говорил), and it wouldn't be very nice of her to make light of it (и было бы не

очень хорошо с ее стороны не воспринимать это серьезно; to make light of

smth. — недооценивать что-либо, light — легкий, нетрудный,

легкомысленный).

seriously ['sI(q)rIqslI] somebody ['sAmbqdI] sensitive ['sensItIv]

Julia was disturbed. What he said had not really penetrated to her understanding,

his words were lines and the important thing was not what they meant, but whether

they "got over", but she was sensitive to the emotion she felt in him. Of course he

was only eighteen, and it would be silly to take him too seriously, she couldn't help

thinking he'd got all that from somebody else, and that there was a good deal of

pose in it. Did anyone have ideas of his own and did anyone not pose just a wee,

wee bit? But of course it might be that at the moment he felt everything he said,

and it wouldn't be very nice of her to make light of it.

"Of course I see what you mean (конечно же я понимаю: «вижу», что ты

имеешь в виду)," she said. "My greatest wish in the world (мое величайшее

желание в этом мире) is that you should be happy (так это чтобы ты был

счастлив). I'll manage your father (я справлюсь с твоим отцом; to manage smb

— обращаться с кем-либо, иметь к кому-либо подход), and you can do as you

like (а ты можешь поступать, как ты захочешь). You must seek your own

salvation (ты должен искать своего собственного спасения /души/), I see that

(я понимаю это). But I think you ought to make sure (но я думаю, что тебе

следует убедиться) that all these ideas of yours aren't just morbid (что все эти

твои мысли не вызваны просто меланхолией; morbid — нездоровый,

болезненно впечатлительный). Perhaps you were too much alone in Vienna

(возможно, ты был слишком долго один в Вене) and I dare say you read too

much (и, позволь мне сказать, ты читаешь слишком много). Of course your

father and I belong to a different generation (конечно же, твой отец и я

принадлежим другому поколению) and I don't suppose we can help you (и я

полагаю, что мы не сможем помочь тебе). Why don't you talk it over with

someone more of your own age (почему бы тебе не обговорить все это с кем-то

/более/ твоего /собственного/ возраста)? Tom, for instance (с Томом,

например)."

"Tom (с Томом)? A poor little snob (бедняжка, сноб). His only ambition in life is

to be a gentleman (его единственная цель в жизни — быть джентльменом), and

he hasn't the sense to see (и у него не хватает разума понять; sense — чувство,

ощущение, рассудок) that the more he tries the more hopeless it is (что чем

больше он пытается, тем это все безнадежнее)."

salvation [sxl'veIS(q)n] morbid ['mO:bId] instance ['Instqns]

"Of course I see what you mean," she said. "My greatest wish in the world is that

you should be happy. I'll manage your father, and you can do as you like. You

must seek your own salvation, I see that. But I think you ought to make sure that

all these ideas of yours aren't just morbid. Perhaps you were too much alone in

Vienna and I dare say you read too much. Of course your father and I belong to a

different generation and I don't suppose we can help you. Why don't you talk it

over with someone more of your own age? Tom, for instance." "Tom? A poor little

snob. His only ambition in life is to be a gentleman, and he hasn't the sense to see

that the more he tries the more hopeless it is."

"I thought you liked him so much (я думала, что он тебе так нравится). Why, at

Taplow last summer you just lived in his pocket (ба, да в Тэплоу, прошлым

летом, вы просто не расставались: «ты просто жил в его кармане »; to live in

someone's pocket — торчать друг у друга на глазах)."

"I didn't dislike him (я не испытывал к нему неприязни). I made use of him (я

использовал его). He could tell me a lot of things that I wanted to know (он мог

рассказать мне кучу вещей, которые я хотел знать). But I thought him an

insignificant, silly little thing (но я думал, что он просто ничтожный, глупый

/паренек/)."

Julia remembered how insanely jealous she had been of their friendship (Джулия

вспомнила, как безумно ревнива была она из-за их дружбы). It made her angry

to think (она даже рассердилась, подумав; to make smb angry — разгневать

кого-либо) of all the agony she had wasted (о всех тех муках, которые она зря

вынесла; to waste — расточать, растрачивать без пользы).

"You've dropped him, haven't you (ты бросила его, не так ли)?" he asked

suddenly (спросил он внезапно).

She was startled (она вздрогнула испуганно).

"I suppose I have more or less (полагаю что да, более или менее)."

"I think it's very wise of you (я думаю, что это очень мудро с твоей стороны).

He wasn't up to your mark (он не подходил тебе: «он был не на должной:

«твоей» высоте»; mark — знак, отметка, зд. норма, стандарт, уровень)."

pocket ['pOkIt] insignificant ["InsIg'nIfIkqnt] insanely [In'seInlI]

"I thought you liked him so much. Why, at Taplow last summer you just lived in

his pocket."

"I didn't dislike him. I made use of him. He could tell me a lot of things that I

wanted to know. But I thought him an insignificant, silly little thing."

Julia remembered how insanely jealous she had been of their friendship. It made

her angry to think of all the agony she had wasted.

"You've dropped him, haven't you?" he asked suddenly.

She was startled.

"I suppose I have more or less."

"I think it's very wise of you. He wasn't up to your mark."

He looked at her with his calm, reflective eyes (он посмотрел на нее своими

спокойными, задумчивыми глазами), and on a sudden Julia had a sickening fear

(и внезапно, Джулия испытала тошнотворный страх) that he knew that Tom

had been her lover (что он знал, что Том был ее любовником). It was

impossible, she told herself (это невозможно, говорила она себе), it was only her

guilty conscience that made her think so (это /было/ только ее нечистая:

«виноватая» совесть, что заставляла ее думать так); at Taplow there had been

nothing (в Тэплоу ничего не было); it was incredible that any of the horrid gossip

had reached his ears (это было невероятным, что какие-нибудь отвратительные

слухи дошли до его ушей); and yet there was something in his expression (и все

же, было нечто в его выражении /лица/) that made her certain that he knew (что

убедило ее, что он знал /наверняка/; to make certain — удостовериться). She

was ashamed (ей было стыдно).

"I only asked him to come down to Taplow (я единственно пригласила его

приехать в Тэплоу) because I thought it would be nice for you (из-за того, что я

думала, что это было бы прятно для тебя) to have a boy of that age to play

around with (иметь юношу твоего возраста, с котором можно было бы

поразвлечься)."

"It was (так и было)."

calm [kQ:m] horrid ['hOrId] ashamed [q'SeImd]

He looked at her with his calm, reflective eyes, and on a sudden Julia had a

sickening fear that he knew that Tom had been her lover. It was impossible, she

told herself, it was only her guilty conscience that made her think so; at Taplow

there had been nothing; it was incredible that any of the horrid gossip had reached

his ears; and yet there was something in his expression that made her certain that

he knew. She was ashamed.

"I only asked him to come down to Taplow because I thought it would be nice for

you to have a boy of that age to play around with."

"It was."

There was in his eyes a faint twinkle of amusement (был в его глазах легкий

веселый огонек; amusement — забава, развлечение; изумление). She felt

desperate (она почувствовала отчаяние). She would have liked to ask him (ей

очень бы хотелось спросить у него) what he was grinning at (над чем это он

ухмылялся), but dared not (но не посмела); for she knew (так как она знала /над

чем/); he was not angry with her (он не сердился на нее), she could have borne

that (она могла бы это вынести), he was merely diverted (он просто забавлялся;

to divert — отклонять, отводить, зд. развлекать, увеселять). She was bitterly

hurt (она была горько обижена). She would have cried (она бы заплакала), but

that he would only laugh (но он же просто засмеется). And what could she say to

him (и что она могла бы сказать ему)? He believed nothing she said (он не

верил ни во что, о чем она говорила). Acting (актерство)! For once she was at a

loss (на этот раз она была в замешательстве; for once — в виде исключения; to

be at a loss — растеряться, смешаться) how to cope with a situation (как же

/ей/ справиться с этой ситуацией). She was up against something (она

столкнулась с чем-то; to be up against smth. — встретить отпор) that she did

not know (чего она не знала), something mysterious and rather frightening (чем-

то непостижимым и довольно пугающим). Could that be reality (могла ли это

быть реальность)?

twinkle ['twINk(q)l] merely ['mIqlI] mysterious [mI'stI(q)rIqs]

There was in his eyes a faint twinkle of amusement. She felt desperate. She would

have liked to ask him what he was grinning at, but dared not; for she knew; he was

not angry with her, she could have borne that, he was merely diverted. She was

bitterly hurt. She would have cried, but that he would only laugh. And what could

she say to him? He believed nothing she said. Acting! For once she was at a loss

how to cope with a situation. She was up against something that she did not know,

something mysterious and rather frightening. Could that be reality?

At that moment they heard a car drive up (в этот момент они услышали, как

подъехала машина).

"There's your father (это твой отец)," she exclaimed (воскликнула она).

What a relief (какое облегчение)! The scene was intolerable (сцена была

невыносимой), and she was thankful that his arrival must end it (и она была

благодарна, что его приезд должен положить ей конец). In a moment Michael,

very hearty (через мгновение Майкл, очень радушный), with his chin thrust out

and his belly pulled in (с выставленным вперед подбородком и втянутым

животом), looking for all his fifty odd years incredibly handsome (выглядевший

для своих пятидесяти с лишним лет невероятно красивым), burst into the room

(ворвался в комнату) and, in his manly way (и, в своей мужественной манере),

thrust out his hand (протянул свою руку) to greet (чтобы поприветствовать),

after a six months' absence (после шестимесячного отсутствия), his only

begotten son (своего единственного сына; begotten — рожденный; to beget —

производить, рождать; быть отцом).

exclaim [Ik'skleIm] intolerable [In'tOl(q)rqb(q)l] absence ['xbs(q)ns]

At that moment they heard a car drive up.

"There's your father," she exclaimed.

What a relief! The scene was intolerable, and she was thankful that his arrival must

end it. In a moment Michael, very hearty, with his chin thrust out and his belly

pulled in, looking for all his fifty odd years incredibly handsome, burst into the

room and, in his manly way, thrust out his hand to greet, after a six months'

absence, his only begotten son.

THREE days later Roger went up to Scotland (тремя днями позже Роджер уехал

в Шотландию). By the exercise of some ingenuity (проявив некоторую

изобретательность; exercise — упражнение, осуществление) Julia had

managed (Джулия сделала так) that they should not again spend any length of

time alone together (что они не смогли снова провести хоть какое-то время

наедине /вместе/; length — длина, расстояние, протяженность). When they

happened to be by themselves for a few minutes (когда они оказывались наедине

на несколько минут) they talked of indifferent things (они говорили об

отвлеченных вещах; indifferent — безразличный, нейтральный). Julia was not

really sorry to see him go (Джулия не была на самом-то деле расстроена

увидеть, что он уезжает). She could not dismiss from her mind (она не могла

выбросить из головы; to dismiss — распускать, увольнять) the curious

conversation she had had with him (тот странный: «любопытный» разговор, что

у нее состоялся с ним). There was one point in particular (был один момент, в

особенности) that unaccountably worried her (что непостижимо беспокоил ее;

to account — отчитываться); this was his suggestion that if she went into an

empty room (это было его предположение, что если он войдет в пустую

комнату) and someone suddenly opened the door (и кто-нибудь внезапно

откроет дверь) there would be nobody there (то там никого не окажется). It

made her feel very uncomfortable (это заставляло ее чувствовать себя очень

неуютно).

ingenuity ["IndZI'nju:ItI] unaccountable ["Anq'kaVntqb(q)l]

THREE days later Roger went up to Scotland. By the exercise of some ingenuity

Julia had managed that they should not again spend any length of time alone

together. When they happened to be by themselves for a few minutes they talked of

indifferent things. Julia was not really sorry to see him go. She could not dismiss

from her mind the curious conversation she had had with him. There was one point

in particular that unaccountably worried her; this was his suggestion that if she

went into an empty room and someone suddenly opened the door there would be

nobody there. It made her feel very uncomfortable.

"I never set out to be a raving beauty (я никогда не считала себя красавицей,

способной свести с ума; to set out — /редк./ претендовать на что-либо;

raving — бредовый, буйный, сногсшибательный), but the one thing no one has

ever denied me is personality (но единственное, в чем мне никто никогда не

отказывал, так это индивидуальность; to deny — отрицать, отвергать, не

признавать существование). It's absurd to pretend (это нелепо — делать вид)

that because I can play a hundred different parts in a hundred different ways (что

из-за того, что я могу сыграть сотню различных ролей сотней различных

способов) I haven't got an individuality of my own (что у меня нет своей

собственной индивидуальности). I can do that because I'm a bloody good actress

(я могу сыграть это потому, что я чертовски хорошая актриса)."

She tried to think what happened to her (она попыталась представить, что

случалось с ней) when she went alone into an empty room (когда она заходила

одна в пустую комнату).

"But I never am alone (но я никогда не бываю одна), even in an empty room

(даже и в пустой комнате). There's always Michael, or Evie, or Charles, or the

public (всегда есть Майкл, или Эви, или Чарльз, или публика); not in the flesh,

of course (не в плоти, конечно), but in the spirit, as it were (но мысленно: «в

душе», так сказать). I must speak to Charles about Roger (я должна поговорить

с Чарльзом о Роджере)."

raving ['reIvIN] absurd [qb'sq:d] individuality ["IndI"vIdZV'xlItI]

"I never set out to be a raving beauty, but the one thing no one has ever denied me

is personality. It's absurd to pretend that because I can play a hundred different

parts in a hundred different ways I haven't got an individuality of my own. I can do

that because I'm a bloody good actress."

She tried to think what happened to her when she went alone into an empty room.

"But I never am alone, even in an empty room. There's always Michael, or Evie, or

Charles, or the public; not in the flesh, of course, but in the spirit, as it were. I must

speak to Charles about Roger."

Unfortunately he was away (к сожалению, его не было на месте; to be away —

отсутствовать). But he was coming back for the dress-rehearsal and the first

night (но он должен был вернуться к генеральной репетиции: «репетиции в

костюмах» и премьере); he had not missed these occasions for twenty years (он

никогда не пропускал эти события за двадцать лет), and they had always had

supper together after the dress-rehearsal (и они всегда ужинали вместе после

генеральной репетиции). Michael would remain in the theatre (Майкл останется

в театре), busy with the lights and so on (занятый освещением и все такое), so

that they would be alone (так, что они останутся одни). They would be able to

have a good talk (они смогут хорошенько поговорить).

She studied her part (Джулия изучала свою роль). Julia did not deliberately

create the character she was going to act by observation (Джулия не намерено

создавала героиню, которую она собиралась играть, по наблюдениям); she

had a knack of getting into the shoes of the woman she had to portray (она

обладала особой способностью забраться в шкуру: «ботинки» той женщины,

что она собиралась изображать) so that she thought with her mind and felt with

her senses (так, что она думала ее мыслями и чувствовала ее чувствами). Her

intuition suggested to her a hundred small touches (ее интуиция подсказывала ей

сотни маленьких черточек: «характерных черт») that afterwards amazed people

by their verisimilitude (что впоследствии поражали публику: «людей» своим

правдоподобием); but when they asked her where she had got them she could not

say (но когда ее спрашивали, где она взяла их, она не могла сказать).

deliberately [dI'lIb(q)rItlI] portray [pO:'treI] verisimilitude ["verIsI'mIlItju:d]

Unfortunately he was away. But he was coming back for the dress-rehearsal and

the first night; he had not missed these occasions for twenty years, and they had

always had supper together after the dress-rehearsal. Michael would remain in the

theatre, busy with the lights and so on, so that they would be alone. They would be

able to have a good talk.

She studied her part. Julia did not deliberately create the character she was going to

act by observation; she had a knack of getting into the shoes of the woman she had

to portray so that she thought with her mind and felt with her senses. Her intuition

suggested to her a hundred small touches that afterwards amazed people by their

verisimilitude; but when they asked her where she had got them she could not say.

Now she wanted to show the courageous yet uneasy breeziness of the Mrs. Marten

(теперь ей хотелось показать бесстрашную, но в тоже время тревожную

беззаботность миссис Мартен) who played golf and could talk to a man like one

good chap to another (которая играла в гольф и могла поговорить с мужчиной

по-свойски: «как один хороший малый с другим») and yet, essentially a

respectable, middle-class woman (и, в тоже время, /была/ по существу,

почтенной женщиной среднего класса), hankered for the security of the

marriage state (страстно жаждущей безопасности замужнего статуса:

«состояния»).

Michael never liked to have a crowd at a dress-rehearsal (Майклу никогда не

нравилось когда собиралась толпа: «иметь толпу» на генеральной

репетиции), and this time, anxious to keep the secret of the play till the first night

(и на этот раз, стремясь сохранить спектакль в секрете до премьеры), he had

admitted besides Charles only the people, photographers and dressmakers (он

допустил, кроме Чарльза, только тех людей, фотографов и костюмеров:

«портных»), whose presence was necessary (чье присутствие было

необходимым). Julia spared herself (Джулия не сильно утруждалась; to spare

oneself — жалеть силы, быть нетребовательным к себе; to spare —

сберегать, экономить). She had no intention of giving all she had to give till the

first night (у нее не было никакого желания: «намерения» дать все, что она

должна дать, до премьеры).

courageous [kq'reIdZqs] essentially [I'senS(q)lI] hanker ['hxNkq]

Now she wanted to show the courageous yet uneasy breeziness of the Mrs. Marten

who played golf and could talk to a man like one good chap to another and yet,

essentially a respectable, middle-class woman, hankered for the security of the

marriage state.

Michael never liked to have a crowd at a dress-rehearsal, and this time, anxious to

keep the secret of the play till the first night, he had admitted besides Charles only

the people, photographers and dressmakers, whose presence was necessary. Julia

spared herself. She had no intention of giving all she had to give till the first night.

It was enough if her performance was adequate (было достаточным, если ее

исполнение соответствовало требованиям: «было адекватным»). Under

Michael's business-like direction (под деловым управлением Майкла)

everything went off without a hitch (все прошло без сучка без задоринки;

without a hitch — гладко, без задержки, hitch — зд. помеха, препятствие), and

by ten o'clock Julia and Charles were sitting in the Grill Room of the Savoy (и уже

к десяти часам Джулия и Чарльз сидели в гриль-баре «Савой»). The first thing

she asked him was what he thought of Avice Crichton (первое, что она спросила

у него /было/, что он думает об Эвис Крайтон).