Text 48

REBECCA WHO SLAMMED

DOORS FOR FUN,

AND PERISHED MISERABLY

A trick that everyone abhors

In Little Girls is slamming Doors.

A wealthy banker's little daughter

Who lived in Palace Green, Bayswater

(By name Rebecca Offendort)

Was given to this Furious Sport.

She would deliberately go

And Slam the door like Billy-Ho!

To make her Uncle Jacob start.

She was not really bad at heart,

And only rather rude and wild;

She was an aggravating child.

It happened that a Marble Bust

Of Abraham was standing just

Above the Door this little Lamb

Had carefully prepared to Slam,

And down it came! It knocked her flat!

It laid her out! She looked like that!

Her Funeral Sermon (which was long

And followed by a Sacred Song)

Mentioned her Virtues, it is true,

But dwelt upon her vices, too,

And showed the Dreadful End of One

Who goes and slams the Doors for Fun.

The children who were brought to hear

The awful tale from far and near

Were much impressed, and only swore

They never more would slam the door.

As often they had done before.

One can only wonder what Victorian parents used to say about Belloc's book. Yet, the topsy-turvy world of children's fantasy is all there. And it obeys the basic laws of this world: be full of Ambition, meant for Distraction, beautified by Uglification, and keen on Derision!

Harry Graham (1874-1936) had a tempestuous youth, as he went to the Boer War. He also took part in the First World War. Later he held a position of importance in the British Museum; he also was a dramatist whose plays were fairly popular. Probably, his manifold experiences demanded a new way of expression, black humour.

Graham's volume of poetry, Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes (1899), may be regarded to be the first book of this kind in English literature. Though it be madness, there is method in it, anyway (Text 49).