How to handle your parents

Ever been fishing? Probably not. There might, however, be something to learn by watching a good angler landing a fish. The last thing you should do, when you've got the thing on your hook, is to try and yank it out quickly. The secret is to play it patiently and gently. Let it think it's in control and then, when you've eased it over to the shore, slip the net under it.

It's the same with parents. Take it very easy. Here're a few handy hints:

The first couple of times you want to stay out late, act the dutiful daughter (or son). When the old dears say a time to be home, accept it and come back bang on the dot.

When you come in from whatever you were doing, volunteer bits about what you've been up to that evening (delicately censored, of course). The more you tell them, the more secure they'll feel.

Introduce at least one of the people you're going out to play with. Choose the most sensible, normal-looking one (as opposed to someone covered in tattoos with rings in just about everything it's possible to put rings into).

If you plan to look outrageous, or just plain sexy (whether you're a girl or a boy), do it when you are out of the house. For some reason, the prettier you look when you're going out, the more your mum and dad seem to worry (especially if you're a bloke). I bet Julian Clary's mum and dad were just a little apprehensive when he went out.

If you do all these things for the first few times, they should soon realize that there's a fair chance that you won't he mainlining heroin next week, or making them grand­parents in nine months' time. Best of Luck!

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