The Thoughts of Henry Wilt

Whenever Henry Wilt took ….. dog for ….. walk, or, to be more accurate, when ….. dog took him, or, to be exact, when Mrs Wilt told them both to go and take themselves out of ….. house so that she could do her yoga exercises, he always took ….. same route. In fact ….. dog followed ….. route and Wilt followed ….. dog. They went down past ….. Post Office, across ….. playground, under ….. railway bridge and out on to ….. footpath by ….. river. ….. mile along ….. river and then under ….. railway line again and back through ….. streets where ….. houses were bigger than Wilt's semi and where there were ….. large trees and gardens and ….. cars were all Rovers and Mercedes. It was here that Clem, ….. pedigree Labrador, evidently feeling more at home, did his business while Wilt stood looking around rather uneasily, conscious that this was not his sort of ….. neighbourhood and wishing it was. It was about ….. only time during their walk that he was at all aware of his surroundings. For ….. rest of ….. way Wilt's walk was ….. interior one and followed ….. itinerary completely at ….. variance with his own appearance and that of his route. It was in fact ….. journey of ….. wishful thinking, ….. pilgrimage along ….. trails of remote possibility involving ….. irrevocable disappearance of Mrs Wilt, ….. sudden acquisition of wealth, power, what he would do if he was appointed ….. Minister of Education or, better still, ….. Prime Minister. It was partly concocted of ….. series of desperate expedients and partly in ….. unspoken dialogue so that anyone noticing Wilt (and most people didn't) might have seen his lips move occasionally and his mouth curl into what he fondly imagined was ….. sardonic smile as he dealt with ….. questions or parried arguments with ….. devastating repartee. It was on one of these walks taken in ….. rain after ….. particularly trying day at ….. Tech that Wilt first conceived ….. notion that he would only be able to fulfil his latent promise and call his life his own if some not entirely fortuitous disaster overtook his wife.

Wilt by Tom Sharpe (BrE)